So, You Think You're Ready To Have A Baby?
11:17 PM
Things are all quiet right now, and not just because it’s the night before Christmas. Your baby is tucked safely away in the womb, lulling you into a false sense of security, silently minding its own business. It won’t be long, however, before it comes kicking and screaming into the world, demanding that you treat it as some sort of king, tending to its every need.
But fear not. With some prudent planning, having a baby can actually turn out to be a lot of fun. You want to be a winning parent, and you shall be.
Grab The Baby-Rearing Manual From The Hospital
You probably already know how to raise a kid from scratch. But there will be times during those first few months when you’ll suddenly panic and wonder whether you’re doing everything right. Having that cringingly written baby manual from the hospital can actually be a lifesaver in times of panic. Yes, you know not to drop your baby on the floor, but what if it screams all night for a week? Is that normal? The baby manual reveals all.
Make Yourself Comfortable
There’s a lot of debate about which is the best maternity pillow out there. But suffice to say, you’ll need one to stay comfy. Having to support all that weight on the front of your body can take its toll on your back and shoulders, so proper ergonomic support is recommended. You’ll also want something that can help you make the most of your increasingly sleepless nights, whether it’s the baby keeping you up or your own worries and fears.
If People Try To Oogle The Baby, Threaten Them With Toilet Duty
Nothing is more annoying than the attention you get when you bring a new human being into the world. Everybody wants to come over and oogle the baby: it’s the last thing you want when you’re exhausted. If the problem persists, start threatening people with toilet duty and cleaning up nappies. It’s not fair that they get to enjoy all the fun parts of having a baby without sharing in its misery.
You’ll Cry Over Everything For The First Couple Of Weeks
Scary Mommy is quite clear about this: you’ll cry over everything for the first couple of weeks with your newborn. You’ll be blown away by how cute your baby’s hands are, how small their bum is and so on. You’ll also find yourself getting upset about random events in your life. The memory of the death of your great Aunt Ermintrude might suddenly surface one day, causing you to burst out in buckets of tears.
Your Friends Won’t Help You, Mostly
At your baby shower, your friends will offer to help you in any way they can: any way, except, actually helping you when you need it. Promises made at the beginning of a pregnancy are very rarely kept in the first few months. You’ll be the one nearly bankrupt by the price of nappies, not them. And you’ll be the one staying up late when the baby inevitably gets sick and not them.
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