5 Ways We Are Scaring Off Full-Time Moms

8:00 AM



I know that life is hard and not ideal and we all have to make sacrifices and adjustmentsespecially for our kids. I know that some women can't be full-time moms (even if they wanted to) and that some women just don't want to be full-time parents. And thats just fine. But I also know there are a lot of women out there like I was, who were either too scared to be a full-time mom and don't think they can do it or who feel pressure to work outside the home because media and other influences tell them that it is not a worthy or admirable pursuit in life. I can't help but feel like we, as a society, are scaring off and bullying wonderful potential full-time moms with the harmful things we say and the ignorant ideas we promote about being a full-time mom. 


Raising and taking care of our children in a loving home is nothing to turn our noses up at. We should encourage and teach our fellow women and young women that they can be wonderful mothers one day if they want to be
just as much as we teach them and encourage them to pursue any other amiable occupation. We can always use more wonderful mothers in the world.

So here are the top five ways we, as a society, are scaring off full-time moms and belittling their value.

1. We don't validate motherhood as a possible dream job. This is one of my biggest complaints. It seems to me that everywhere you look, you hear people talking about women living their dreams and how they could be a doctor, a lawyer, or even the President one day. But you never hear people in the media encouraging women that they can be wonderful mothers one day if that is their dream (unless you are in church). I think this attitude toward motherhood and to all young women is so harmful. Young ladies should be able to feel comfortable to proclaim that one day they want to be a wonderful full-time mom with the same amount of pride that another young woman talks about being a doctor one day. Both careers are equally worthy of praise and encouragement.

2. We categorize motherhood as the hardest job on earth. Any happy and healthy full-time mom can tell you right now that the key to their fulfillment is letting go a little bit and remembering to enjoy it.  Being a full-time mom is fun! I know the intention is to validate full-time moms more, but we don't have to do that by complaining so much and making motherhood out to be harder than it really is. Yeah, there are hard times and stress, but mostly its fun and wonderful. We forget to tell each other that. At my job (as a full-time mom), there is always new and exciting things going on and I get to play around a lot. My awesome co-workers and I are always finding new things to make us laugh and to joke about. Sometimes we have relaxation time and I even get to take a nap once in a while. Plus, the food is really great at my workplace and we get snack time as well. We read. We paint. We travel. We learn new things. Does that sound like the hardest job on earth? I don't think so. It can be the best job on earth if you let it. Whats wrong with labeling it that instead of the hardest or the most thankless job on earth?

3. Being a full-time mom means cleaning, cooking, and wiping butts all day.  I don't think so! Some women or men have such nurturing/care-taking personalities and just love serving their family all day, everyday. Good for them, but that is not me. And Im here to tell you just because you are a little lacking in those traits doesn't mean you can't be an awesome stay-at-home mom in your own way. There is more than one way to be a great mom and a great full-time mom at that. While there are some necessary things you have to do to keep you and your child alive like feeding them and keeping your kid clean, you should try to lean on your strengths and the activities you do enjoy as a mom. If you are super social, go to mommy-and-me classes or make sure to do some playdates. Do arts and crafts with your kids if that is where you find bits of extra bliss. Play with your kids. Exercise with your kids. Be your own kind of mom! These harmful old ideas of what a mom should be and do are dangerous.

4. Believing our family needs more money than it really does. As parents, we want the best for our kids and we want to set them up for success. It is a struggle for any parent to choose work over their kids because the more they work, the more money there is to give our kids those extra advantages in this world. But if we spend those extra hours and days working, then we miss out on so much in our kids lives and they miss out on all the things and lessons only we, as their parents, can teach them along the way. Balancing these two ideas is so difficult. But I have learned not only by my own mistakes, but also from collecting advice from other parents who struggle with the same, that they have never regretted choosing to spend more time with their kids over making more money for them. We should arrange our lives in order to not only live within our means, but also in a way where the things that matter most are not at the mercy of the things that matter least. My hope is to encourage those parents who feel pressure to have the bigger, nicer, or newer things in this world to know that all that stuff is just fluff. There is no substitute for you in your kids life. I think it would be a shame for any parent who wanted to be a full-time mom or dad to feel pressure to get a "real job" just to supply their family with more "stuff." We can all happily and comfortably do without a lot more that we think.

5. Believing motherhood is boring and a waste of education. I can't tell you how many times I have heard other women tell me that they just don't know what they would do all day being a full-time parent. That they would just go crazy and feel like their brains were going to rot and melt out their heads. Not only is that incredibly insulting and ignorant, but this idea of what we do all day is very warped and a dangerous attitude towards women. I am always being challenged as a full-time mom and I am always learning new things. In fact, becoming a mom has given me a new appetite for learning and discovering. I see things so differently and I love getting to see new things through my children's eyes. I also went back to school and got my degree while I had kids. I even do some side jobs at home when I have the extra time. I am also at peace that if something where to ever happen to my husband that I have an education to fall back on if I had to go to work outside the home. Also, its not like Im a full-time mom 24-7. My husband is super hands-on with the kids and I enjoy going out with my friends weekly, going on dates with my husband, and/or taking classes here and there. Just because you're a full-time mom doesn't mean its actually full-time. Thats what baby sitters are for.



Its all about balance and discovering the joy in this beautiful period in our lives. Our children grow up so fast and this is just one of the many seasons our heavenly father has for us and he wants us to enjoy each one.


Sig

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16 comments

  1. Love this! I am about to make the transition to being a SAHM and I love your perspective.

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    1. Way to go at becoming a SAHM its not easy to transition but its worth it as Im sure you already know! Good luck to you!

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  2. Amen! I love this. Being a SAHM is for me. I have found growth, learning and joy through it! I too think it ought to be encouraged and admired.

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    1. Thanks so much for the feed back and encouragement. I was a little worried about posting this and offending someone but this is a topic near and dear to me and I think it needed to be said. Hopefully us SAHM can encourage and inspire some change in this area.

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  3. I love this piece! I was a lawyer before becoming a full time mom, and I couldn't count the number of times people have said that I am wasting my education, and they bet I can't wait to get back to work. If I had wanted to go back to work I would have! It became so that I started doubting myself and my choices and making excuses for why I was having more time off with the kids - until I realised what I was doing and had to take a step back and re-evaluate. Thanks for sharing :)

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    1. Wow I love your story! That is a big transition to make from lawyer to full time mom. Bravo to you! Part of the reason I wrote this post was to be a reminder to myself of what I really want and not to get sucked into what outsiders want me to do. There are so many wonderful jobs that tempt me and I have to always come back and remember what is most important to me.

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  4. This is incredible! I agree with all of your points. I was "big" in my career when I chose to stay home - and now run a home daycare to be able to afford to do so AND because I realize I love kids! Hubby is done having babies so I get to enjoy them through my new DREAM career! Thanks for saying what my heart knew all along.

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  5. Loved this post! I have wanted to be a full time mom so bad ever since I was a little girl... it was even hard for me to pick a major in college because I knew all I really wanted was to be a mommy. I finally settled on graphic design because it's something I love to do, lets me be creative and (if I play it right) will allow me to work from home bringing in extra money while being a full time mommy. My hubby and I don't have any kids yet... but we are dead set on me staying home when we do! It might be hard financially but we'll find a way... I don't want to miss my kiddos early years!

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    1. I am also a graphic designer because it allows me to work at home a little. I have to get creative in how I manage to even get in one hour a day for side jobs and sometimes I just don't have the time. But Im fine with that. As my kids grow and start going to school I will have more time then to do that. Right now Im happy focusing on them. I will never get these years back. I can't put off my children growing up so I can do some more work but I can put off doing more work to watch my children grow up.

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  6. I can not agree with this more! When we were first married, I knew I wanted to be a SAHM when the time came and my husband had the same desire. We started off our marriage only living off of his income to make sure we could do it. It has worked for us ever since then. :)

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    1. Its awesome that you got it off on the right foot. I think that is great advice for newlyweds who are planning on having the mom be a SAHM. -Start before you even have kids. love it!

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  7. I really love this post. I totally agree with all the points you made! I really do love every single thing you brought up. I still remember being in elementary school and we were supposed to color a picture and write a sentence about what we wanted to be when we grew up. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who said she wanted to be a mom.
    I love the second point too, I agree that motherhood is a hard job, but is it the hardest? It's exhausting, it's challenging, but it's also very rewarding. I don't think it's the hardest, I just think it's different.

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    1. I think its wonderful and sweet that you had such direction at a young age. And you are right on about SAHM challenges and rewards.

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  8. Great post! I was always a career woman before I had my son, and two years ago, I became a SAHM as a result of an accident that left me unable to do my job. Being a SAHM has been my silver lining in a really difficult time and I am glad that I have been given this gift of sorts to be able to do this while our son is still young. He is in Grade 1 and being at home has given me the opportunity to help in his classroom and on hot lunch days, and be there for drop off and pick up each day. Point number 3 really struck home with me. I'm not the best domestic goddess, but that doesn't make me a bad mum, so thanks for that reminder too!

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    1. I get it more than you know. I became a SAHM as a default. We lived in a tiny town with no day care and all the women I knew had full time jobs so I had to stay home to take care of my kids when I was actually planning on being a working mom. So glad that I was kind of forced into it because now its so important to me and its really opened up my eyes. I just want to share that message with other women who may be going through the same thing.

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