Twas the month after Christmas... (humorous poem)

5:30 AM

 Twas the month after Christmas, 
 And all through the house, 
Nothing would fit me, 
 Not even a blouse. 
The cookies I'd nibbled, 
And the chocolate I'd taste 
 At the holiday parties 
 Had gone to my waist. 

 When I got on the scales 
There arose such a number! 
When I walked to the store 
 (less a walk than a lumber), 
 I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared; 
 The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, 
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese 
 And the way I never said, "No thank you, please." 
 As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt 
 And prepared once again to do battle with dirt... 
 I said to myself, as I only can, 
 "You can't spend a winter, disguised as a man!" 
So, away with the last of the sour cream dip. 
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip. 
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 
 Till all the additional pounds have vanished. 
 I won't have a cookie, not even a lick. 
 I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. 
     I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie. 
   I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. 
  I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore... 
    But isn't that what January is for? 
    Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. 
   Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet. 

My aunt sent this to me a few week ago, and I bust up laughing! This is totally me. I thought you might get a laugh out of it as well!

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  1. LOVE it! That is hysterical and totally how I feel this month!!

  2. ROFL....that is TOO funny, and SOOO my life!! LOL
    I'm blogging this too, if you don't mind! Thanks

  3. We loved all we ate in December too. Now we have banished all goodies from our house.

    We love our library. Can't believe others didn't love the books.


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